Crying.

I am trying to come up with all of the things that I am feeling right now, and it is so hard putting it into words. Being pregnant ties up your thoughts and feelings and then puts them in a blender, mixes them up, and then instead of coming out in words, they come out of your eyes: tears.

I have been known as the crier for a while. Years ago, when I worked as a manager at Lane Bryant, crying a typical thing, especially in the last year that I worked there. When someone would upset me, and I was really mad, instead of getting mad, I would just cry. Then, that same character trait followed me to my new position as a Customer Service rep at a credit counseling agency (and yes... this company was legit and worked). Typically I would cry if I felt that I had been treated badly by a customer or got angry with a co-worker. I cried a lot when I got a new supervisor, because at first, I really didn't like her, and she didn't like me. It was a personality thing, but once we finally realized that our personalities were different, and by working together, we were a stronger team and couldn't be beat. Of course, I acredit Tracy(my Sup) to helping me harden my shell, and not cry at the drop of a hat.

Now however... being pregnant with this little boy that is doing somersaults in my belly, I cry every day. It can be just the pain that I am experiencing with my back, or that I feel like my husband is not really taking my feelings into account, I get the information that my Aunt Sandy is coming to Ohio(that one made me bawl like a baby!!!), or I just feel like crying. You know it is bad when your daughter comes up to you and says... "Mama? Crying?" And I have to respond... "Yes baby... I am crying".

How do you control this while you are pregnant. You can't... you just have to carry a lot of tissue and don't wear makeup.

Prayer Request... for me and Baby Mac

*Update*
Sorry it has taken me so long to update this, but everything is fine. WE went to the Dr yesterday and the nurse hooked me up to the monitor, and even though our precious little boy was being very stubborn, we heard a heartbeat and also heard him kicking around. Apparently, he was just a little sleepy yesterday morning, but better safe than sorry! :)

Thanks for your prayers and comments!

*Original*

Hey everyone, I am panicing a little bit this morning. I have not been feeling much movement from the baby, so I am off to the Dr in about an hour for the nurse to check me out. I feel kind of silly, but I would much rather be safe than sorry.

Please pray that everything is ok, and this is just in my head and I am being a panic.

THanks!

As most of you know, baby Stellan is having another serious bout with his SVT and he is back in the hospital. Please pray for baby Stellan! If you are not familiar with the McKinney Family, please check out Jennifer's Blog.

A few new pics...

So... I haven't gotten my thoughts together, but here are a few new pics of my (nearly) 2 year old! :) Enjoy!!!

So much to say...

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the kind words after my cousin Tim's passing and also for the prayers. They were felt, and I believe has helped us get through this very hard time.

I also want to thank everyone that commented on the post prior to that, where I was having a very bad day. It seems inconsequential now, but that was a rough day I was having, and knowing that I have my wonderful blogging buddies to share with really helped.

As for me... I have so much I want to say, and tell you, but really don't know where to start, so I will give you a few basics:

First, we have been very busy this past week(and whole summer to be precise). I had my 25 week check up and got to hear our precious boy's heartbeat. I am so thankful! It was music to my ears! I am feeling pretty good, but my sciatic pain has come back with vengence! I have been seeing a chiropractor and it is helping as much as it can. Mornings are really rough, but I am thankful that it is not near as bad as it was with Grace. Please pray for me that we continue to have good check ups and that my sciatic stays in check.

Second, we have been spending some time at our local amusement park, Kings Island. WE love it there. It has been so much fun taking Grace and letting her ride the rides... and let me tell ya, she LOVES it! I will try to post some pics of her and her cousin's on the rides really soon.

Next, WE had a great time at the New Kids on the Block concerts, and I plan on a complete recap coming in the next few days.

Finally(for now anyway...), I have so much more to say, and have a post that I have been thinking over in my head about bullies. I haven't really decided how to go about writing it, but feel like I have a few in my life that I need to address. We will see... I might chicken out. :)

Anyway... I hope this finds you peaceful and blessed and want you to know that I appreciate you all so very much!

Much love...
C

Sad day...

While most people were enjoying fireworks, hot dogs and hamburgers, we were digesting something entirely different. Around 5 yesterday, my dad got a call that his cousin Tim had died by drowning while at a 4th of July party that he was attending with his 9 year old son. The shock that our family has felt is overwhelming and I ask that everyone please pray for my cousin's 2 older daughters(both in their 20's) and his nine year old son. Also, for his parents, who his father is in poor health as well right now. Please pray for all of us as we go through the motions of this week.

RIP Tim... we love you, and will miss you, and know that we will see you again some day, in that we have comfort.

(This is my dad on the left and his cousin Tim, at his daughter's wedding back in June.)

why...?

Why do I feel completely inadequate?

Why do I feel lonely?

Why do I feel like I am excommunicated?

Why do I feel like I just can't be understood?

Why are things this hard?

Why....?

Heck if I know.