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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Christmas Tree pt 1

I am going to apologize now… this is going to be a long post(which I have decided to make into two parts), but I feel like this is something that I have to share. I really hope that you take the time to read this… Thanks!

Please leave comments…. I would love to know who is reading and I will be posting the second part regardless, but I hope to hear from you!

C

Yes… you read it right, I am writing about my Christmas tree.

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2 weeks after Christmas.

Why? You may ask. Well, this was the very first year in 6 1/2 years of being a married woman, that I had my very own Christmas tree…. in my own home.

Now… letting me just say right now: I know that Christmas is not about having Christmas trees, getting presents and decorating things with pretty colored lights, garland and tinsel. I know that Christmas is about our Savior’s birth and to celebrate the greatest gift we have ever been given… Jesus Christ, or Lord and Savior.

However… it does not change the fact that I still dreamed of having a Christmas tree and my babies waking up on Christmas morning with presents around the tree… just as I had done 30 something years ago as a little child. It was a tradition that I never thought that I would not be able to repeat in my own home.

You see, my husband comes from a church that does not celebrate Christmas. So, every year, I would be respectful of his wishes and would go to mom’s house, help her put up her Christmas tree, and do without at home. I knew when we got married that this could be an issue, but our first Christmas together, he came to my parents home, celebrated with us. He even, for my mom’s 50th birthday that year, went to a local nursery and helped me pick out a beautiful live Christmas tree(we had NEVER had a live tree before and we thought that it would be a cool surprise for her. So, after that first year together, I really thought that it might not even be an issue. Of course, it was.

The first 2 or 3 years I would decorate our home with snowmen and winter-ish decorations. I was happy with this. It was fun, and festive and made me feel like it was still a part of my dreams of having Christmas in my home, but not hurt my husbands feelings. Deep down though… I missed having a tree.

Then… Grace came along.

Grace was only 4 1/2 months old her first Christmas and with the exhaustion of being a first time mom, I honestly didn’t give putting up a tree a thought that year. I don’t even think I put out my snowmen, and didn’t really even think about it. The same went for her second Christmas… I just helped mom as usual put up her tree, and had fun doing it, but didn’t really miss it at my own home, for the mere fact that Grace was into everything. It was no big deal. Then, Grace turned 2 and things changed.

Last Christmas was a very hard time for Doug and I. We fought a lot and I know that it was because of our differences in religious beliefs, but honestly… I think a lot of it was me, wanting my tree. That Christmas morning, I had a few little gift for Gracie, but it wasn’t anything big. I was still trying to not hurt feelings, but I was still going to have my Christmas morning. I was pushing the envelope a little, and it went ok. There was no tree, but that didn’t really matter. Grace was still too little to understand the reason why mammaw Trish had a tree and we didn’t. Of course… I did.

Not long after the new year things got worse between Doug and I. On top of that, I was in a bit of a depression. I was in denial… but I will save that for another post.

We decided shortly after the new year that we needed some help. We began therapy… again, I will save this for another post as well. I am saying all of that to get to this: I wanted a Christmas tree.

As the year passed, we talked about it a few times in therapy, and a lot of other things that we were dealing with, but this one thing came up every once in a while. Honestly, I didn’t think that I would ever get my way, but it was worth a try.

Thanksgiving came and while hubs was gone hunting with my dad and brother, Grace and Jack and I headed down to my mom’s house to stay a few nights. While we were there, we helped put her tree up, as we had been doing for years. I love my mommy’s tree! It is the prettiest tree and has so many special memories for me. The ornaments that she fills the tree with have so many special meanings to us.

This is her tree from this year.

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And while we were putting it up. My mom LOVEs lights!

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Shhh…. don’t tell her I posted that picture! LOL!

Anyway… as Christmas got closer and closer, I was being asked by our therapist if I was going to get a tree. Of course, I would start crying and we would discuss it some more.

I was stalling. What was I afraid of? When we were in therapy talking about it, Doug never said that I couldn’t get one, but I knew that he would not be helping me. If I was going to do it, I had to do it on my own.

At least, that is the way I saw it.

Part 2… coming soon.

Thank you for reading.

Much Love,

Gracie and Jack’s momma!

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