Nigthtime...

Why is it, that when it is time for bed... I am ready to go to sleep, but of course, that is when my minds gets going. I just can't turn it off. I have found that since things started happening last Friday, nighttime is when I have the hardest time. I just start thinking about everything, and just really can't turn my thoughts off. I wish there were an on and off button, just so that I can get a restful sleep.

There are a lot of things that I want to write here, but I am having a really hard time putting it into words in this post. I am just remembering that a little over a week ago, I went to bed on New Year's day, feeling pregnant, happy, and anticipating the coming year, imagining what our new little bundle of joy would add to our family. Picturing the day, in another hot August afternoon, that we would make the drive home to bring home our little baby Mc. Boy or girl(of course, secretly, I was really wishing for a girl....), we would bring them into our house, and introduce Grace to her new brother or sister. And now... one week later, I am being forced to see reality. However...

I still have that picture in my head... of course. I am not letting go of that dream. I am not going to be afraid to try again. I am not going to let my fears get the better of me.

As my dear "Phat Girlz" like to remind me, God is good, all the time... and I know that I will be a momma again, Doug will be a daddy, and Gracie will be the best big sister ever!

So... I am going to try to get back to bed. Right now... my time it is 12:10 am. Physically, I am tired, but mentally... I am anything but tired. I am going to try though. Here goes nothing... Good night. :)